


Can't You Be Believing Now

by Ravelen



Series: After Words [4]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Drunkenness, Episode: s03e06 A Window Into An Empty Room, Love, M/M, Malec, Mild Angst, Post-Episode: s03e06 A Window Into An Empty Room
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-27
Updated: 2018-04-27
Packaged: 2019-04-28 18:33:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14455284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ravelen/pseuds/Ravelen
Summary: The earth kept spinning, tipping beneath him like he might roll off the edge. Magnus made him feel like that. In good ways, like a spinning in his stomach when they kissed...But in bad ways too, like everything between them was fragile.---Alec leaves the bar and heads for Brooklyn. Magnus comes to find him.





	Can't You Be Believing Now

**Author's Note:**

> Poss trigger warning for Alec feeling drunk and a bit out of control.
> 
> I don't know what this is? Possible missing scene between 3x06 and 3x07? (but no spoilers for 3x07).
> 
> Title from _We Are the People_ by Empire of the Sun. 
> 
> Boring bits: Un-beta’d so please forgive mistakes. I’m British and do my best to Americanise but some Britquirks may remain.

There were so many stairs. How had he never noticed this before? 

From Alec's vantage point, leaning heavily on the rail at the very first step and peering up through the twisting turns above, they looked never-ending, as insurmountable as the great mountains of Idris. 

“C’mon, Alec,” he muttered to himself. “One at a time. Uh, let’s just keep on holding the rail. Yeah, hold the rail.”

Alec made slow progress. He’d be tempted to use his sure-footed rune, if he thought he’d be able to hold his stele without dropping it. Why had he not considered the stupid stairs when the cabbie asked him where he was going? He smiled dopily. Oh yeah, because he was going to the only place he wanted to be. The only damn place that felt like home, even if it wasn’t his home. His smile died. Not _his_ home. _Magnus’s._

“But I've got a key!” Alec told the door, triumphantly and some considerable minutes later, when he finally made it to the penthouse level. The key waved around a bit, his arm wasn’t really cooperating. He’d stopped drinking some time ago now, but the last of it was still hitting him. Drip, drip, dripping into his bloodstream, making his chest warm and his brain fuzzy. 

The key scraped against the door twice, completely missing the lock. Somehow, the door popped open anyway and he stepped through. “I’m HOOOME!” he called, then stopped still, head cocked to one side, listening for any response. Nothing. Hmm. Everywhere was quiet. The lights were on, but low. 

Alec frowned. “Still _busy_ with his client,” he told the coat rack, wrestling with his jacket and getting his arms caught, before giving up and leaving it on. 

He needed water but the kitchen was like, literally a million miles away, so he dropped to the nearest couch and lay back instead, feet up over the end because he still had his boots on and he might be drunk but he wasn’t going to risk Magnus’s precious velvet upholstery, nor his messed-up-upholstery-related-wrath.

Alec let out a long sigh. The ceiling was tilted and the couch wasn’t staying still. Like a boat at sea it pitched and rolled. He was reminded of spinning in the gardens at the Institute, copying Izzy once she’d gone inside with their mother and there was no longer anyone there to see him. Wanting to know why she giggled when she threw herself to the lawn, all skinny limbs and tangled hair. Arms out, round and round he spun, until he couldn’t help but fall to the ground and the grass was cool and prickly against his cheek while the earth kept spinning, tipping beneath him like he might roll off the edge. 

Magnus made him feel like that. In good ways, like a spinning in his stomach when they kissed, when they laid each other down and touched and tasted and took. But in bad ways too, like everything between them was fragile and could tip and roll at any moment and Alec would be free-falling without him.

Alec loved Magnus. He loved him so much. He was gonna tell him when he got home. He was going to tell him how loving him filled him up with joy and how it made him hurt. They’d been making each other hurt and it made Alec feel like shit. He’d only wanted a drink to make it feel better and now he felt like shit _and_ a bit like he might throw up. 

Maybe it was better Magnus wasn’t home yet. Maybe he had time to work out all that he wanted to say. He wanted to say: Number one, I am sorry. Number two, I love you. Number three, I know you’re sorry too. Number four, whisky isn’t so bad if you drink enough of it. Number five, couldn’t play pool without you. Number six…number six. Was there a number six?

Alec jumped when the air in the loft suddenly sucked towards the door. He raised his head with some effort and looked up between his feet as the portal appeared, dancing yellow light spilling over everything. A second later, Magnus kind of jumped through it in that way he did, somehow looking like he was the person least prepared to travel that way, even though he invented the damn things a thousand years ago, or whatever.

Alec hauled himself upright, planting his feet firmly on the floor. The room continued to spin. He launched his thoroughly prepared speech. “Magnus, I’m sorry. Sorry about everything. But it’s all because I love you, all of it. I just love you, so much.”

Magnus came close. Alec was almost fairly certain there were two of him. 

“Alexander,” Magnus said, placing two fingers gently beneath Alec’s chin for a second, to tip his face up to him. “Here you are. I was worried.” 

Alec swallowed. He liked that, both the touching and the concern. Magnus stroked a thumb against Alec’s cheek and Alec whined. Magnus was looking down at him with his beautiful eyes. Brown eyes. Not his real eyes, but Alec’s second favourite eyes in the world. Magnus looked beautiful but he also looked tired.

Alec knew he had a speech to finish. Instead, he wrapped his arms around Magnus’s legs and pressed his head to Magnus’s stomach. “M’sorry.”

“My darling,” Magnus said, voice soft. “I’m sorry too, about so many things.” He stroked his fingers through Alec’s hair gently. It gave Alec the nicest chills, breaking over his skin. He hummed in response.

“Alec,” Magnus said again, a little more urgently, prying himself free of his grip. Alec blinked, rearranging himself clumsily to face Magnus as he sat down beside Alec on the couch. Even in the state he was in, Alec immediately noticed something. 

“You’re all scuffed up!” He tugged on the shoulder of Magnus’s jacket, where the seam had torn away slightly. There was dirt ground into the side of the coat and down his back. It was enough to focus things just a little, because something had happened and if Magnus hadn’t taken the time to fix his clothes it must be bad. “Magnus?”

Clumsily pressing a hand to Magnus’s neck, Alec curled his fingers to his nape and stroked. “What happened?” 

Magnus took a shuddered breath, closing his eyes a moment. “We need to get you to the Institute. But not like this.”

“The Institute? No…no, see I came _here_ , because there’s things I’ve been wanting to tell you.”

“Yes, I caught the start of that and believe me, I dearly wish I could take you to bed, hear the rest of it, then let you sleep this off but…something has happened and you need to be there.”

Alec swallowed, a cold wash of fear displacing some of the heavy warmth in his gut. “Magnus, what is it?”

Magnus slid his hand around Alec’s wrist. His fingers were cold. Magnus’s fingers were never cold. “It’s best we go, there’s lots to explain.”

Alec stood, swayed a little and sat back down. “I think I need a coffee. Or ten.”

“I can do better than coffee, may I?” 

Magnus raised his hand, fingers poised to snap and Alec leaned close to whisper a secret. “Yeah. Hey, you know I _love_ your magic.” He pressed a kiss to the soft skin of Magnus’s cheek and sat back with a smile.

Magnus shook his head, an answering smile very nearly breaking through. “I’m very glad of that. Now, hold still.”

It was like having cold water dumped on his head, like stepping suddenly under a waterfall on a hot day. Magnus’s magic rippled through Alec, his skin tingled like little needles poking at him and Alec sucked in a breath. He was suddenly, shockingly sober.

With the rush of sobriety came a spike of panic. What had he been saying? Was he making a fool of himself? Alec had limited experience of waking up the morning after a heavy night’s drinking, trying to piece together the events of the evening before, but he figured he’d just had a fast track introduction. With the warmth of the whisky went the conviction that everything would be alright just as long as he loved Magnus and Magnus loved him. He tried to force the thought back to the front of his mind but it slunk away into the dark. Maybe he _was_ a child, if he thought it was as easy as all that. 

He smiled tightly. “That’s a neat trick. Why have we never done that before?” 

Magnus shrugged. “Not sure you’ve ever been that drunk before. And besides, being a little tipsy together can be fun.” Magnus smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes and dropped almost immediately.

“So, what is it?” Alec asked, cursing his luck, because something always happened, didn’t it?

“It’s…better if we go to the Institute,” Magnus said, eyes dropping to the floor before flicking back up and oh, Alec could just tell he was not going to like this. “Everyone’s waiting for you. I came to find you. Isabelle said you left early?”

Alec sighed. “Yeah, I got carried away, had too much to drink. I didn’t want them to see me like that. And after, well, I just wanted to be here.”

Magnus regarded him with sad eyes. “We need to talk,” he said. “But now is probably not a good time.” He turned, hand raised to summon another portal, but Alec reached out and grabbed his arm.

“It may not be a good time,” Alec said, “but when is? Look, we’ll go to the Institute, just...” He took a breath in, tugging Magnus over to stand in front of him. “I’m sorry, for how I behaved this morning.”

“As am I,” Magnus said, but his head dropped and he looked so sad for a moment that Alec’s throat hurt. 

“Magnus, what is it?”

Magnus played with his rings, turning one back and forth, a nervous gesture. “Whatever you hear tonight, Alexander, please know that I would never hurt you intentionally.”

Alec frowned. “I know...I know that. Magnus, what the hell _is_ this?”

Magnus shook his head, but he held out his hand for Alec to take. “Let’s go.” 

The portal appeared, but Alec had the strongest urge to stay where he was. The alcohol may be gone from his system but the spinning feeling had returned. He was back on that precipice, tipping towards something he couldn’t see and didn’t want to.

“Trust me?” Magnus asked.

There would only ever be one answer to that. Alec took Magnus’s hand in his and they walked forward together. The portal swirled and swallowed them up. It snapped shut behind them with a whoosh.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading :)
> 
> I am on tumblr [here](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/ravelens) \- come say hi!


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